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A lot is being said these days about abuse and torture in the military among detainees. Far too many people don’t have to look “over there” to find abuse because it’s closer for them in their own homes.
Sometimes, people are not aware that they are in an abusive marriage or relationship.
Let’s look at some of the characteristics.
You may be in an abusive relationship if your partner:
-Is overly jealous or possessive toward you
-Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding
-Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships
-Is violent and/or loses their temper quickly
-Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with
-Abuses drugs or alcohol
-Claims that you are responsible for their emotional state
-Blames you when they mistreat you
-Makes “jokes” that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you either privately or publicly
-You or your partner or both grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship
-You’ve left repeatedly and then return against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones
-Constantly keeps track of your time
-Accuses you of being unfaithful or flirting
-Discourages your relationships with friends and family
-Prevents or discourages you from working, interacting with friends or attend school
-Constantly criticizes and belittles you
-Controls all finances and forces you to account for what you spend
-Destroys or takes your personal property or sentimental items
-Has had multiple affairs
-Threatens to hurt you, your children or pets. Threatens to use a weapon
-Pushes, hits, slaps, punches, kicks, or bites you and/or your children
So what do you do if you or someone you know is living in an abusive relationship?
-Face the fact that things are not going to get better because you ask your partner to and they say they’re sorry.
-Abusive relationships cannot be changed from one side. Both must be open, honest, have a willingness to change and follow through
-If the abuser is unwilling to seek help, we urge you to leave before you or your children are hurt.
-Both of you must get individual professional counseling to overcome the pattern of abuse. If the abuser is unwilling, then you should seeking counseling on your own
-Help is readily available by searching the internet, police department, churches, and social service agencies.
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To your relationship success!
Jesse and Melva
Live: Couples Transformations Radio
Online Marriage Classes: Couplehood as a Spiritual Path
