Are you and your spouse or partner having money problems right now? If so, you’re not alone. Many couples are. The question is how are you handling it?
Even when things are going well, some couples fight about money. In a 2006 study conducted by Money magazine, 84% of the respondents said that money caused a lot of tension in their marriage/relationship. 15% fought about money several times a month. So money issues trigger a lot of the tension and fights in relationships.
When money is tight, some couples turn “on” each other rather than “to” each other. Fighting only makes the situation feel worse. Criticizing, blaming, fault finding, name calling and all of the other negative things we say and do when we fight is not the way to confront the problem. You may end up not even wanting to talk to your partner about it because of their reactive behavior. And if you don’t talk, you can’t solve the problem.
The key to dealing with any problem in a relationship, including money, is to work together to find a mutually acceptable solution that both of you can live with. It requires that you sit down together, discuss the situation calmly, brainstorm all of the possible solutions both of you can come up with, and then choose from among all of the ideas your best possible situations. This may require several brainstorming/problem
solving sessions. This approach will not only help you deal with the situation better, it is also likely to bring you closer together.
We also suggest that you:
- Don’t allow money problems to consume all of your time and attention.
Plan a specific time weekly to talk together about money. We recommend no more than an hour.
Include both short term and long term financial goals in your discussion
Find ways to support each other emotionally during the process
Celebrate your successes no matter how great or small
Finally, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Whatever money problems you’re facing right now are temporary. Things will improve over time–especially, if you work together.
–
Here’s to your relationship success!
Jesse and Melva
