One of the most painful, heart wrenching experiences we’ve faced as marriage counselors has been in attempting to provide emotional support for couples who have tried repeatedly without success to have a child. For most, it has been a painstaking process—seeking every possible medical means to become parents. It is often physically painful, emotionally draining, and financially expensive because the medical treatment required is not covered by insurance. We recall a married couple, who were friends and not clients, who were so determined to have a child that the wife literally remained in bed for 7 months attempting to bring her baby to term. And even after such a sacrifice and willful determination, she lost the baby in the last trimester. They were devastated and rightfully so. Such couples don’t understand how some couples can be so nonchalant and causal about having children so effortlessly without any complications. You should be aware that there are thousands of childless couples who long to have just one child and it is painful to watch them make multiple attempts only to fail time after time.
Our point is that if you have been fortunate to be a parent, recognize that children are a gift. There are those who would give almost anything to be in your position. You can’t even begin to imagine the pain that they go through daily just to have the opportunity to have a child. They would love to complain about how much work it requires, about 2 o’clock feedings, changing diapers, deciding whether to breast fed or bottle fed, and be able to shop for their infant.
After leaving sessions with such couples, we give ongoing thanks for our two sons. They have been, and even now as adults, are our greatest joys. Whatever personal sacrifices we have made has been worth it. And we’re suggesting that if you’ve been blessed to be a parent that you, too, realize how truly blessed you are and with that realization, that you approach being a parent from that perspective.
Now we’d like to say a word of encouragement to those strained by wanting to be parents but haven’t yet been able to make that happen. Our suggestion is that as you continue to go through all the trials and struggles that this entails that you continue to bond even closer together. Do not allow your disappointment to drive you apart. Talk to each other empathically about your hurt and disappointment and allow it to build an even stronger connection between you. And don’t forget that whatever happens, you can always be each other’s baby!
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Here’s to your relationship success!
Jesse and Melva
