You may question why the two of us, as marriage counselors, would be advising couples to have alone time. After all, isn’t it your job to bring couples together verses advising them to be alone?
Being together and being alone may sound like a contradiction but it’s really not. In fact, it’s healthy. Let us explain.
In healthy mutually satisfying and successful relationships, partners have discovered ways to fulfill their individual goals within their relationship. We like to think of it this way. 1 whole happy person + 1 whole happy person = 1 whole happy incredible relationship. ½ an unhappy person + ½ another unhappy person = 2 unhappy halves. In the ½ + ½ relationship, there are likely to be two despondent unfulfilled co-dependent enmeshed people who are so entwined that they are a drain on each other.
We’re asserting that it is essential that both persons in a successful relationship take the time to pursue their own aspirations and dreams. We’re not talking about selfish, self indulgent, purposeless, time wasting distractions. We’re referring to meaningful pursuits that result in each partner achieving an important personal accomplishment. The fulfillment of this goal brings about a feeling of intense satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment. Examples include such things as a desire to finish school, to pursue training for a new career, to lose weight, to pay off credit card debt, to learn to speak another language, to pursue a hobby, to deepen one’s spiritual connection, to travel, or whatever. Each person has their own individual longings and desires that they wish to fulfill.
So, the question is–what is your dream? What is it that you have longed to do that you haven’t taken the time to do yet? What is a first step you can take toward achieving it?
We’d urge you to take whatever alone time you need to pursue it and do it! It’s good for you in multiple ways and it’s good for your relationship. The reason is quite simple. When two people are happy and fulfilled in their personal lives, they are better partners.
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Here’s to your relationship success!
Jesse and Melva
