Marriage & Couples Community

HI Jesse and Melva,

I'm wondering how I can get my husband to understand when I ask him questions about why he's doing something a certain way it's not criticism.  Also when I offer suggestions or comments about something we are working on together he thinks I'm critizing how he's doing it.  It's not my intentions to be critical.  He works in a high stress job and I think he's brining it home with him and takes it out on me.  I'm inquisitive and like to learn by asking questions.  He says I should change and that if I want to work on projects with him not to say anything because I haven't earned the right to ? him.  For example:  I reminded him the best way to hold a tool so it worked properly, I read the directions per his request, he did NOT.  When I made the suggestion he blew up and started screaming and kicking things about me being critical all the time.

He thinks he's earned the right not to be questioned about anything and that I should stop being so 'critical' and stop asking questions.  He wants to be the boss and thinks he knows it all and when I offer my ideas or make suggestions he blows up.  He tells me later that I should know by now he gets upset sometimes b/c he just wants to get the project done, but I wind up resenting him more and more each time.  He calls himself a team player, but I'm not so sure that's the case.  He did play team sports growing up.

Thank you for any feedback you may be able to provide and your time.

rbm