photo credit: The Talented Mr. Nimo
Most affairs, regardless of the ages of those involved, often start in the workplace between people who spend a lot of time together. Often, they start off rather innocently by a desire of co-workers to be helpful and supportive to each other. There may be some kind of attraction that they may, or may not, be aware of. One or both may be rather naïve –believing that their conversations are innocent and failing to realize what’s really going on.
Far too often, both bring certain vulnerabilities to these conversations that in time may develop into a problem relationship. If, for example, one of them is single, that person may bring their loneliness and intense desire for companionship. If the other is married, they may bring the pain of a failing marriage along with a number of unmet needs not being fulfilled at home. When these two converge, the two people involved are headed for trouble. The more time they spend together, the more pleasure they experience being together. They talk, laugh, share, and empathize with each other’s longing and needs. Before either realizes it, they are emotionally bonded into what has been called “an emotional affair” which may, in time, become sexual. They know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their affair is not likely to produce any kind of positive outcome. Yet, they seem compelled to keep the relationship going—being aware of the risk they’re taking with every secret encounter. No matter how careful they may attempt to be, sooner or later the affair is discovered and they must regretfully face the consequences of their behavior.
In far too many marriages between well-known men and their wives, the marriage is not only far less than ideal—many are in serious trouble. The prominent often pay a huge price for their success and status. One is time. The demands on the time and energy required of successful men in meeting the challenges inherent in their careers often places a tremendous strain on their marriages. Neither the husband nor the wife is very happy or fulfilled at home. But, neither may feel capable of doing anything about it.
They, like a great many couples, may present a “public face” – the “we are a happy couple facade” when in public. But upon returning home, they take off the mask and reveal their “private face.” That face contains a lot of unhappiness, pain, and despair. The couple may create a “parallel marriage”—meaning that the neglected wife involves herself in a host of activities to cope with her loneliness while the husband copes by driving himself even more intently in his career to avoid the unpleasantness at home. This situation is ripe for either the husband or wife or both to find solace in the arms of another person. The wife might think about having an affair. But most likely, if there is going to be an affair it is usually the man who acts on it. The affair with the younger woman may remind the older man of days gone by—his youthful days when the world was young, exciting and passionate. But you can’t go back to reclaim your youth and you’re only fooling yourself if you believe you can.
Having an extra marital affair ultimately doesn’t work for any of the parties involved—the man, the wife, or the “other” woman. Each must find the ways to get their relationship needs met without succumbing to the temptation of an affair. The solution for each is contained in our continuing series of articles for the man, the wife, and the woman. You’ll want to continue reading the entire series.
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To Your Relationship Success!
Jesse and Melva
