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The following questions from our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise addresses the greatest problem areas in marriage. They represent the topics that couples often fight about—sex, money, and conflicts over how their home is maintained and by whom.

By assessing, confronting, and working through possible conflicts now before the marriage, it is possible to reduce major challenges a couple would have to face after the marriage.

We know that many of the questions in this section of our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise may be considered quite personal by some people. Some questions, in fact, may make some people quite uncomfortable. We would suggest that in spite of your discomfort that you both answer the questions. Again, it is better to address these issues now rather than later. We encourage you to take as much time as you need to respond to each question.

MY ATTITUDES ABOUT SEX

What sex has been like with you or what I think it will be like with you is

I think married couples should have sex ____ time a day/week or month

If I rated the importance of sex to me in marriage (on a scale of 1-the lowest to 10-the highest), my score would be ____

What I’m most concerned about in our sex life or potential sex life is

The way(s) I like to prepare for sex is

Foreplay to me means

Some sexual fantasies I’d like us to share in our sex life are

A personal problem I’ve had in my sex life or potential sex life is

How that problem has or might impact our sex life is

If we should have problems in our sex life, the way(s) I would like for us to address it would be to

MY ATTITUDES ABOUT MONEY/FINANCES

What money means to me is

Its importance to me is

Saving money for me has been hard/easy because

Spending money for me has been hard/easy because

My current total amount of debt is $_____________

My current credit score is _____________ which I consider to be ___poor; ___average; ___excellent

My current salary is $____________

I currently have, or have had garnishments taken from my checks in the amount of $___________

I am currently making child support payments in the amount of $__________ per week/month

I am currently making alimony payments in the amount of $________ per week/month

My plan to pay off my debts is to

The way(s) I would be expecting you to help me pay off my debts is by

I prefer ___purchasing a home, ___renting a home/apartment.

If we were to purchase a home, the way(s) I’d like to see us plan and save for the purchase is

I’d feel financially secure if we

I’d like to retire comfortably with $_________ to live on by age ______

Some ways I would like for us to plan for our retirement is

MY ATTITUDES ABOUT HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE

The way I like to keep my living space is

I can’t stand sharing a living space with someone who

The problems I’ve had living with other people have been

The way(s) I’d like for us to work together and share in maintaining our living space is

If there is something either of us finds intolerable I would like for us to

How decisions will be made about where we will live will be by

How decisions should be made about managing our home is by

This concludes, at least for now, the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. Additional questions are likely to be added later. Our hope is that you have found this exercise helpful. Our intent is always to support as many couples as possible to fulfill their dreams for happy and successful relationships.

To your relationship success,

Jesse and Melva

Couplehood as a Spiritual Path

Discover How to Transform Your Marriage or Love Relationship Into A Spiritual Journey

We are very excited about sharing with you what we have learned in a ground breaking six week, step by step, program entitled Couplehood as a Spiritual Path. The program will give you the information and skills necessary to work through conflicts and build a stronger connection.

Learn more about the Couplehood as a Spiritual Path Online Program >>

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We’re sometimes asked why we encourage couples to answer the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. From our experience as marriage counselors, we have found that when couples are dating, each person quite often tries to present their “best self” and either hide, or minimize their flaws. So, what partners are presenting to each other is usually not the whole truth about who they are.

If couples are engaged and considering spending the rest of their lives together, it is essential that each know as much as possible about each other. It’s one thing to hide a pimple with some makeup. It’s another to hide or withhold information about your personality flaws, previous life style, bad decisions, and negative habits. Partners need to know in advance what they’re getting into.

There is no need to attempt to hide your flaws. We all have them. There are no perfect people. All of us have at least one thing—if not more, that we don’t feel good about from our past. So, it’s best to “fess up” because sooner or later your partner is likely to discover them anyway.

The questions in these 100 Questions Before Marriage are designed to help you give and receive information about each other before you get married. And if there are issues or problem areas that need to be worked out in advance of the marriage, you will be able to make a plan for addressing them—hopefully, before the marriage.

The next series of questions is called, “What You Need To Know About Me.” We suggest that both partners take turns answering this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. You may take as much time as you need to go through the list. After all, you’re planning to be married for life so you can afford to take the time.

What You Need To Know About Me

Three things I like most about me are

Three things I like least about me are

My greatest personal strength is

My greatest personal weakness is

Someone that I really admire is

When I’m afraid, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m sad, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m angry, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m lonely, I usually respond by ___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m tired, I usually respond by ____________. How I’d like to respond is___________.

In general, I think most men are

In general, I think most women are

What I fear most is

What I need most is

My usual frequent mood is

The things I hate the most are

I get angry when

The things I worry about the most are

I’m most ashamed of

I dislike people who

When someone is unfair, I usually respond by

I find my greatest joy in life when

What hurts me the most is

An accomplishment I feel most proud of is

Something I feel the most regret about in my life is

When someone is disappointed with me I usually respond by

When someone is angry with me I usually respond by

I think people should say they’re sorry when

The parts of my body I like most are

The parts of my body I like least are

Now that you have completed this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise, we’d suggest that both of you take a piece of paper and record those responses that impacted you the most. After you’ve both had a time to record your responses, we would suggest that you share those responses with each other and have a “heart to heart” conversation about it.

To your relationship success,

Jesse and Melva

Couplehood as a Spiritual Path

Discover How to Transform Your Marriage or Love Relationship Into A Spiritual Journey

We are very excited about sharing with you what we have learned in a ground breaking six week, step by step, program entitled Couplehood as a Spiritual Path. The program will give you the information and skills necessary to work through conflicts and build a stronger connection.

Learn more about the Couplehood as a Spiritual Path Online Program >>

We are offering this 100 Questions Before Marriage because in our work as marriage counselors we have found that far too many couples lack a lot of basic information about each other before they get married. For example, there is a TV commercial being aired right now where the new husband is singing about not knowing that his new wife had bad credit so rather than living in a nice suburban neighborhood like he expected, they’re being forced to live in the basement with her mom and dad. That’s just one example of the kinds of things that couples need to know before they say “I Do.”

The questions are intended to help you give you information that you need to know so that you can make an informed decision about committing to spend the rest of your life with this person. In responding to the questions, it is essential that both of you be “gut-wrenchingly honest”—that you tell the truth and the whole truth as you respond to the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise.

These questions have been modified somewhat from a Christian Broadcasting Network program by Julie Ferwerda in 2007. It was entitled, “Talk It Out Before You Say, ‘I Do.’” Both partners are to take turns answering the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. You may take as much time as you need to go through the list. After all, you’re planning to be married for life so you can afford to take the time

The questions are grouped into seven categories. The first two are included in this article. The remaining five categories will follow.

100 Questions Before Marriage: Your Life Purpose

Your biggest goal in life is to

You find satisfaction in life by

Before you die, what would you like to have accomplished?

Your purpose in life is to

Your dream is to someday

You will be ready to die when you’ve

100 Questions Before Marriage: Your Past

The best part of your childhood was

The worse part of your childhood was

The scariest thing that ever happened to you was

Something that I’m afraid to tell anyone about my past was

A past situation that could affect your future is

The way you feel about your past relationship history is

Congratulations! You’re on your way to having a deeply personal conversation about your life purpose and your past. There’s a lot more to come in our next articles.

To your relationship Success,

Jesse and Melva

Couplehood as a Spiritual Path Online Series

Discover How to Transform Your Marriage or Love Relationship Into

A Spiritual Journey That Will Bring More Safety and Passion to Your Couplehood

Introducing a virtual Marriage and Relationship Course to help you communicate better about the things that matter most to both of you. Learn cutting edge step by step strategies to guide you to turn conflict into closeness.

Couplehood as as Spiritual Path

100 Questions Before Marriage on the Net

100 Questions Before Marriage: Best Things to Do Before Marriage

100 Questions Before Marriage: Poems

100 Questions Before Marriage or 1000 Questions After Divorce

100 Questions Before Marriage Is Not Enough

100  Best Questions Before Marriage: 40 Plus and Dating

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Enjoy!

Jesse and Melva Johnson
Royal Oak Michigan Marriage Counselors

Got a Burning Marriage Question? Ask!

A question we’re often asked is how to keep from being ignored by your mate in a long term marriage as a couple. In the beginning, it wasn’t that way. Your mate was attentive to your needs and desires. But now, you’re feeling ignored, taken for granted, and there’s little emotional connection or intimacy. If you’re being ignored, it’s extremely painful. You may ask for time and attention but your mate may make excuses or downright refuse. It is both painful and abusive to live with someone who professes to love you but who ignores your wants, feelings and desires. If you, or someone you know, is in this situation, it is likely that at one time or another they may have asked themselves, “if I can’t get what I want from this relationship, why am I here?” So, how did you get to this place? What has gone so terribly wrong?

The state of your marriage today represents an accumulation of your life together as a couple. When couples perceive that 50% or more of their experiences together have been fulfilling, mutually satisfying, happy, and rewarding, it results in a stronger bond and loving connection. When the level of satisfaction goes considerably below the 50% mark, the more dissatisfaction couples report about their relationships.

In our experience, the #1 reason why couples have dissatisfaction is because of an inability to communicate what they truly need from each other to feel loved and cared about and the inability to resolve problems in the relationship. Years of accumulated unmet needs produce a continuing disconnect between the couple. They may share the same house but except for their children, may live in two different worlds.

So, how to you overcome the pain of being ignored? The solution is what it has always been. Learn each other’s love language and take action. If you have difficulty accomplishing this on your own, get some professional help. We can help. For the sake of your marriage and your family, let us help you.

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To your relationships success!

Jesse and Melva

Local in Royal Oak, Michigan? Check out our affordable marriage counseling…

Looking to enrich your marriage? Couplehood as a Spiritual Path